For Jason

My friend Jason was giving me a hard time about not having updated my blog in some time...so...this one's for you, Jason.

I want an iPhone. What is an iPhone, you ask? Why, it's a handy dandy, all-in-one iPod, phone, browsing, carwashing, backscratching, meat tenderizing, dog walking, can opening, fire starting, bone picking gadget the likes of which you've never seen, folks! Step right up, don't be shy! First ten customers get a free bottle of fish vinegar! Cures what ails ya, I say! Why, cured me of my scurvy like the miracle liquid it is!

I'm under-selling this product. Seriously. I want one of these.